Monday, June 5, 2017

What if I was never meant to fit into the idea of "ideal"?

I don't want a busy life.  I'm not interested in what's referred to as "the hustle."  I hate hearing the phrase "you know how it is."

The answer is NO!  No, I don't.  I've never understood the feeling that you constantly have to be on the go and always doing.  I physically can't and mentally won't.  When life gets too busy I reach a saturation point and will withdrawal from everything!  I become angry and less tolerant of people, noise, and places.  Busy isn't good for me and what's more is I find it maddening when I ask someone how they are and I get the pat answer "busy" or my other favorite "crazy busy."  Either of which is followed by "you know how it is."  No.  I don't.  I've made the choice not to live like that.

To be quite honest, when you tell me about your "saturated" or "busy" life, it all sounds like complaining.  It sounds like you're letting your life is run you, rather than you running your life.  The other phrase that often follows "I'm so busy" is very often "I'm so tired."  Hmmm....anyone else see the connection?  If you're spending your days chasing everything for fear of missing out on anything, there's a reason you're so tired.  Stop.

Our life is simple.  We choose not to be busy.  We choose not to chase it all.  We choose not to care about missing out.  Is your mouth open?  Jaw on the floor?  Pick up your jaw, and close your mouth.  We choose to be lazy and enjoy our life.  Yes, I did say lazy.  Not the never do the laundry, lay on the couch all the time, and never shower kind of lazy, but the guilt-free option of not doing "chores" in place of something we'd rather do that day. Laundry gets done, but may not get folded for a week.  Beds don't get made very often.  Dishes might sit on the counter overnight before they go into the dishwasher.  We choose time with each other over the fast-paced lifestyle of "busy."

I'm not into the latest "diet and food" trends.  In fact, I hate the word diet and unless you need to be on one for allergies or serious health reason I don't want to hear about it.  I don't want to listen to you drone on about what you can and can't eat.  I don't enjoy listening to how fabulous you feel now that you're doing "X".  Quite honestly, when you "brag" about you newest diet you often make those around you feel like shit.  There I said it.  This kind of talk often makes those your raving to focus on all of their own issues, all at once.  Think before you speak, if all you talk about is your diet maybe you need a new hobby.

Furthermore, I don't want to feel guilty for having a belly, thighs, stretch marks and cellulite.  It's taken me a long time to build a healthier relationship with my body.  Yes.  I'm considered overweight.  Yes. I could stand to loose a few pounds.  No. I don't want to feel bad about it anymore.  I don't want to feel guilty because I enjoy food, all of it.  I don't want to feel shame because  I'm not a size two model who's been airbrushed to perfection.  Last, but certainly not least, I do not want an overweight health professional judging me about not fitting into the "BMI" chart.  You first pal!

Children, one more of those hot buttons for me.  No, we don't have children.  Please stop asking.  Think about this for a moment - if we had kids don't you think I would talk about them?  If you engage me in conversation about children and I don't share a common ground story, chances are I don't have one because I don't have children.  For us, it was a choice, but for so many, it isn't and when you ask you often make them feel worse about not having any.  And no, I don't hate children, thanks for asking.  In fact, in my real life, I work with middle school and high school kids daily.  If I hated kids I wouldn't have the job I have.

My final thought, or maybe it's food for thought.  Slow down, stop punishing yourself for eating the cake and talk about something other than your kids.  Who were you before all of these things?  When was the last time you really connected with a person other than your children or your spouse?  When was the last time you sat down, enjoyed a good meal with friends, didn't worry about the calories, and talked about yourself, your hobbies, and your dreams?  When was the last time you had an unscheduled day in your calendar?

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